Wow, I turned 40 last week. I thought that would be a tough milestone for me to face, but it didn't bother me a bit. When I turned 30 I was going through some medical issues due to stress. I had stomach issues and was not feeling well for weeks and not able to eat much at all. So I was depressed and discouraged around that time because I just wanted to feel better. The day I turned 30 I remember feeling so down because I just felt so old! It made it very difficult for me to face that new decade. So of course I thought that if 30 was bad, then 40 would be miserable. But luckily, I am in a great place in my life right now. Other than the fact that I really need to lose 25 to 30 pounds, I am healthy, I exercise more, I don't let stress at work get to me like it used to, and I feel very needed and loved by my family and friends.
I got some wonderful cards and messages from family and friends for my birthday. It was very touching. My mom told me that I should do something that I have never done before. I thought about that this past weekend and couldn't come up with something on the fly like that. I'm certainly not going to jump out of an airplane or something crazy like that. But I would like to find more things each year that are on my "bucket list" to tackle and accomplish. Actually, my bucket list is just a mental compilation of things that I keep telling myself "oh, I need to do that before I die". Maybe someday I will put it on paper. If you ask me what's on the list, I won't be able to remember. I know I want to go to the Grand Canyon. I would like to ride in a hot air balloon. I'd like to be able to successfully water ski just once. But I can't remember the other 50 or so things that I mentally added to my list in the last year.
I just couldn't come up with something this weekend that I thought I could do that I'd never done before! I ended up being spontaneous though, which is something I rarely do. I drove my kids an hour to the beach and expected to spend a beautiful Florida afternoon there. The minute I got there it started pouring... with thunder and lightening... Ethan thought he heard hail on the car. I realized at that moment the exact reason why I don't like to be spontaneous! Luckily, I don't give up easily. As Sierra told me that she was having a bad day (because she was so sad that our beach trip turned out to be a flop), I was setting my determination to wait out the rain. We drove around a little bit and then sat in the parking lot until the thunder was distant and we headed out onto the beach. It was drizzling for a while, but the kids didn't care and eventually they were in the water laughing with the waves and watching the sun peak through the clouds. Watching them was the highlight of my day. Seeing the ocean through their eyes reminded me of what it was like when I was 6 and I played in the waves with a mix of excitement and fear because the waves could often drag me under.
So one of the wonderful gifts that I got for my birthday was a bracelet charm called "journey". One of my sisters got it for me and she wrote in the card some touching words about my 40 year journey through life. I loved what it said and it really got me to reflect back on the highs and lows. I have had some interesting things happen to me in my life. I was born in Germany because my dad was in the military. In Kindergarten I was the only kid that could read so I got to be the narrator in the Christmas play. I had to have my appendix removed in third grade on Valentine's Day. My parents got divorced when I was 14 and I had to move to a new state when entering high school. I got to march in the Rose Bowl parade as part of our High School marching band. I went to one of the biggest colleges in the U.S. I was engaged at age 21 and broke it off a year later. I was married in my mid 20's for a year and I had to face the sudden death of my husband a week after our first anniversary. Not so long after that I met my husband Doug and married him. The most amazing days of my life were the days of my kids' births. Being a mom is the most important job I've ever had in my life. So the journey has been long already. I wonder what the next 30 to 40 years will bring. It wasn't until my 30's that I found consistent happiness, with a great husband, two amazing children, and a support system of friends, family and co-workers around me. My sister is right - the journey has been incredible. I'm glad I'm still on that journey and hope that the best is still yet to come.
What has your journey been like? One of my favorite quotes is "don't forget to stop and smell the roses". Do you stop and smell the roses on a regular basis? Do you really appreciate what you have despite your challenges and setbacks? Do you ever find yourself feeling so eager to get to your destination that you forget to enjoy the journey you are on to get there? Life is like that. I don't want to always look towards that new job, or that new house, or that new ipad (okay, I still really want an ipad - had to throw that in). I want to enjoy the here and now with all the people in my life that I love and that love me back. The present is a great place to be.
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