Hello Oh Brilliant One

Okay, so I have had maybe 5 or 6 of you faithful readers tell me that you like my blog. Thank you! You know who you are. I do hope to be funny or inspirational or at least worthy of water cooler conversation with my blog. Water cooler? We don't call it that anymore, do we? It's more like coffee pot conversation right? When did anyone ever stand around a water cooler to gossip, anyway?

Anyway, the topic of my blog today is really about inspiration and feeling good about oneself. At work we have a Women's Resource Group that holds lunch and learn events quite often. I used to lead our Women's Resource Group but now I just get to be a regular ole attendee. Anyway, today I went to an awesome event that featured Simon T Bailey. You can google him if you want to know more about him. You can buy his books - they look like really inspirational books. He has a website, a Twitter account and a Facebook page so you can follow him too. He resides in Central Florida but he is currently a world traveler teaching others about how to stay motivated and how to release your brilliance. Wow, was he a great speaker. His latest book is called "Release Your Brilliance".

Simon T Bailey had this amazing and infectious laugh. He had a deep and full laugh and he laughed quite often during the presentation. Every time he laughed I found myself giggling not just at what he was saying but at his laugh itself. After the presentation I was talking to a few other people and each of them said separately and independently that they liked his laugh and it made them chuckle. Even though the laughing part had nothing to do with his presentation, I thought today about how important laughter is. How often do you find yourself really laughing? Do you like to laugh as much as I do? According to helpguide.org, laughter is good for your body and peace of mind too.  The site says, "Laughter is a powerful antidote to stress, pain, and conflict. Nothing works faster or more dependably to bring your mind and body back into balance than a good laugh. Humor lightens your burdens, inspires hopes, connects you to others, and keeps you grounded, focused, and alert."  While I was laughing today, I almost physically felt the stress of the day slip away. I have been pretty stressed at work lately so this stress relief felt good. I often laugh with my kids at home too and it is so much fun to just let loose and be funny with them. Last weekend when the kids and I were in the pool together we were all trying to lay on this little float and we didn't all fit. We were laughing like crazy as each one of us kept falling off and trying to get back on it. Such a simple thing, but we had so much fun. So I challenge you today to find those occasions where you can just let yourself go a little to do something silly or fun that will make you laugh.


The event with Mr. Bailey was really about how brilliant I am.  It was also about how brilliant you are. In fact, most of us don't really give ourselves enough credit about how brilliant we are! The first part of his talk was about storytelling. I have thought about this topic a lot in the last two years. Think of storytelling as your way of creating your brand and having a means of educating others on your brand (what value you add to your organization or community or family). I sat down a couple months ago to try and figure out what my brand is. I decided then that my brand is to be the type of person that people feel like they can go to in order to get something specific done that they feel no one else can help them with. I've always enjoyed being that type of person to others. When I started out my career 17 plus years ago, I was the computer expert to my boss. Whenever something went awry with his computer or his e-mail, he called me up. "I'll be right over," I'd always say. No matter what I was doing, I dropped everything to go help him. I am not a true computer expert, but I always knew enough to solve his problems. Not only did it feel good to "be needed" for something that my boss thought was unique and valuable, but I was actually increasing my value at work because others started to see me as someone with unique skills.  I was an engineer, and not computer technical support. We had a separate help desk for computer issues. But it was faster and easier for my boss to ask me. Fast forward 17 years and even today I do some things that I think of as computer-related that people rely on me for help. We use Live Meeting to connect our computers virtually between Orlando and other office locations. I taught myself how to use the software and the external hardware mic/speaker attachments. I purposely branded myself at work as someone that is an "expert" in this so people would ask me for help. I started working in a new department only eight months ago and within 2-4 months people from all over the department were calling me up asking me for help with Live Meeting. In fact, I was even asked by both the CEO and CFO of our regional division on separate occasions to help them with it. So while helping others with Live Meeting might not seem value-added to some people, it has given me unique opportunities to become "valuable" to our CFO and CEO.  Again, this is just how I have branded myself. You can figure out your brand and it will be unique to you. Think about the cross between what you are passionate about, what you are good at and what your department or organization needs. The cross between those three areas is where you will find your own brand. My brand is not just about computer technical support. I find other ways to get people to "need" me for some kind of expertise. According to Mr. Bailey in today's discussion, if you can constantly demonstrate to others around you that you deliver a certain value to your organization, then you will continue to be appreciated and promoted within your organization. People will realize your "Brilliance". While Mr. Bailey was talking, I was thinking about how much I subconsciously demonstrate my value to my organization. If I didn't, I wouldn't have been asked to lead up a large project so soon after joining this organization. The key is to find ways to continue to demonstrate your value and get others to recognize your capabilities.


One more thing I will challenge you on this week, dear reader, is to ask your boss or your spouse "what do you value most about what I am able to contribute?" I say your boss or your spouse because if you don't work outside the home, maybe you want to ask your spouse this question. In your home life do you ever wonder what your family values about what you do? I work outside the home, but I still often wonder what my kids or my spouse appreciate about what I do at home. Do they care if I take out the trash? Does my husband even notice if I change the sheets on the bed? I know he notices when I load the dishwasher because that's something he does so often and hates to do. So even knowing how you are valued by your family can be important. Maybe we should spend less time doing the things that are not valued?


So hopefully Mr. Bailey won't mind me repeating a challenge that he gave to us in the event today. For the next week, wake up 15 minutes early each day. Spend the first 5 minutes meditating. Spend the second 5 minutes reading something inspirational, and spend the last 5 minutes stretching and physically getting ready for the day. By getting your heart, head and body ready for the day, you will be in the right frame of mind to realize and promote your own brilliance. Have a great Friday!

What "Weighs" on My Mind

I have been having trouble with my weight the last couple years. When I say trouble, what I really mean is that I have been gaining weight pretty steadily for the last four years. It's very frustrating because I don't feel like I am eating any differently than I did 5 or 10 years ago.

I did find out a couple years ago that I have a thyroid issue. It is under-active so it is possible that my weight problem is related to a true medical issue. But still, I think that my metabolism is changing for the worse as I get older, regardless of my thyroid. I have never been one to exercise very much. I really hate to exercise. I have been trying to exercise more in the last two years and I've been moderately successful. I joined jazzercise and I bought a stationary bike that I use periodically. I've been so stressed and busy with work lately that I haven't been going to jazzercise or using my bike.  I know I need to get back to it, but I'm not very motivated.

So I think I gained like 25 pounds or more over the last few years. That's terrible and very disturbing to me since I only gained 25 pounds with each pregnancy and I lost it fairly quickly after. I have been in denial about the need to buy new clothes because I kept telling myself that the weight would come back off soon. So recently I started buying clothes that fit me right and I have to say that I feel better because I'm not so self conscious about being heavy. Still, I fell defeated because buying the bigger size makes me feel like I lost the battle with my weight.

The thing is, so far I am not really ready to sacrifice all the things I love to eat. I love ice cream and cookies and chocolate. I try not to eat all that stuff but usually my willpower dissolves and I have something sugary. I went through a phase where I ate cereal every night for dinner. I thought that was cutting my daily calorie intake by at least 500 calories. I still gained weight. I'm starting to really wonder if I will ever be my old size again. I guess I have to really get serious about cutting calories. Not sure how to build up that willpower. Each day I tell myself that this will be the day I start. I thought that day might be today until I got to work and saw that someone brought in doughnuts. I'm not even supposed to like doughnuts - they are lard filled carbs with loads of sugar. But they had the blueberry doughnut with the sugary glaze on the outside and I really feel like those are so close to blueberry muffins that they can't be too bad for you right? I mean, if there's blueberries in them, that counts as fruit, right? Yeah, well I ate it. So then I realized that today's not the day. Maybe tomorrow will be the day. Guess it won't matter since on the news they said that the world is ending tomorrow. Hopefully God won't care how much I weigh when I make my way up to Heaven. Maybe in Heaven I'll be skinny. One can hope.

It's Not About the Destination, It's About the Journey

Wow, I turned 40 last week. I thought that would be a tough milestone for me to face, but it didn't bother me a bit. When I turned 30 I was going through some medical issues due to stress. I had stomach issues and was not feeling well for weeks and not able to eat much at all. So I was depressed and discouraged around that time because I just wanted to feel better. The day I turned 30 I remember feeling so down because I just felt so old! It made it very difficult for me to face that new decade. So of course I thought that if 30 was bad, then 40 would be miserable. But luckily, I am in a great place in my life right now. Other than the fact that I really need to lose 25 to 30 pounds, I am healthy, I exercise more, I don't let stress at work get to me like it used to, and I feel very needed and loved by my family and friends.

I got some wonderful cards and messages from family and friends for my birthday. It was very touching. My mom told me that I should do something that I have never done before. I thought about that this past weekend and couldn't come up with something on the fly like that. I'm certainly not going to jump out of an airplane or something crazy like that. But I would like to find more things each year that are on my "bucket list" to tackle and accomplish. Actually, my bucket list is just a mental compilation of things that I keep telling myself "oh, I need to do that before I die". Maybe someday I will put it on paper. If you ask me what's on the list, I won't be able to remember. I know I want to go to the Grand Canyon. I would like to ride in a hot air balloon. I'd like to be able to successfully water ski just once. But I can't remember the other 50 or so things that I mentally added to my list in the last year.

I just couldn't come up with something this weekend that I thought I could do that I'd never done before! I ended up being spontaneous though, which is something I rarely do. I drove my kids an hour to the beach and expected to spend a beautiful Florida afternoon there. The minute I got there it started pouring... with thunder and lightening... Ethan thought he heard hail on the car. I realized at that moment the exact reason why I don't like to be spontaneous! Luckily, I don't give up easily. As Sierra told me that she was having a bad day (because she was so sad that our beach trip turned out to be a flop), I was setting my determination to wait out the rain. We drove around a little bit and then sat in the parking lot until the thunder was distant and we headed out onto the beach. It was drizzling for a while, but the kids didn't care and eventually they were in the water laughing with the waves and watching the sun peak through the clouds. Watching them was the highlight of my day. Seeing the ocean through their eyes reminded me of what it was like when I was 6 and I played in the waves with a mix of excitement and fear because the waves could often drag me under.

So one of the wonderful gifts that I got for my birthday was a bracelet charm called "journey". One of my sisters got it for me and she wrote in the card some touching words about my 40 year journey through life.  I loved what it said and it really got me to reflect back on the highs and lows. I have had some interesting things happen to me in my life. I was born in Germany because my dad was in the military. In Kindergarten I was the only kid that could read so I got to be the narrator in the Christmas play. I had to have my appendix removed in third grade on Valentine's Day. My parents got divorced when I was 14 and I had to move to a new state when entering high school. I got to march in the Rose Bowl parade as part of our High School marching band. I went to one of the biggest colleges in the U.S. I was engaged at age 21 and broke it off a year later. I was married in my mid 20's for a year and I had to face the sudden death of my husband a week after our first anniversary.  Not so long after that I met my husband Doug and married him. The most amazing days of my life were the days of my kids' births. Being a mom is the most important job I've ever had in my life. So the journey has been long already. I wonder what the next 30 to 40 years will bring. It wasn't until my 30's that I found consistent happiness, with a great husband, two amazing children, and a support system of friends, family and co-workers around me. My sister is right - the journey has been incredible. I'm glad I'm still on that journey and hope that the best is still yet to come.

What has your journey been like? One of my favorite quotes is "don't forget to stop and smell the roses". Do you stop and smell the roses on a regular basis? Do you really appreciate what you have despite your challenges and setbacks? Do you ever find yourself feeling so eager to get to your destination that you forget to enjoy the journey you are on to get there? Life is like that. I don't want to always look towards that new job, or that new house, or that new ipad (okay, I still really want an ipad - had to throw that in). I want to enjoy the here and now with all the people in my life that I love and that love me back. The present is a great place to be.

Why is it so Difficult to Communicate Effectively?

I think I spend a good majority of my day at work trying to communicate properly to everyone around me that "needs to know" something. It's exhausting! Then I get home and I have to make sure I've communicated to my family, to my kids, to my kids' teachers, to my friends. Half the things I need to remember to do involves communication. Did I remember to call the doctor's office to make my annual appointment? Did I tell Doug when my next book club meeting is to make sure we don't have any scheduling conflicts? Did I remember to tell the kids to take a shower before bedtime? I guess those are the easy communication tasks that I need to do. All I need to do is remember and then I can accomplish them easily. But there are other communication tasks that I find very challenging.

Today at work I was following up on an action I had. Someone responded to me that they weren't sure why I was taking the action. They thought it was their action to take. I realized that I had either misunderstood what was communicated to me, or maybe I wasn't being clear with others in what I was trying to accomplish. Business moves at such a fast pace these days. I get lost between the e-mails, voicemails, texts and meetings. I probably rely far too much on e-mail communication and not enough on verbal communication. I need to pick up the phone more and just talk to people to better understand what they expect from me and communicate what I expect from them. I'm trying to do that more, but still it's not enough.

I think I mentally ask myself about 20 times a day whether or not I have properly communicated something to the proper person. No matter how often I check myself on that, I find myself missing someone in the communication. Sometimes it is because I didn't even think that a certain person would need to know what I know. As a manager, I know a lot about what is going on in the business at the big picture level. I hear about some of the big decisions that are made by management. Sometimes I forget that the professionals that work for me, wouldn't know the same things I know. I have to think hard each week about what I know that might be interesting to my employees. I don't think managers think about this enough. We "forget" that not everyone knows what we know or hears what we hear. We can be better managers if we just focus on improving our communication channels and demonstrate that we truly have an open door policy for dialogue.

Last night I watched "The Apprentice" and found the show was being interrupted by a very important message from the President.  I thought about how important communication is in our lives today. Immediately I went on my computer, which was already on my lap, and started searching for what the President's speech was going to be about. With a few clicks on the keyboard, I had googled "what is the president's press conference about?" and I found enough sites that already had people speculating about the topic. Amazingly enough, when I filtered beyond the people saying "zombies" or "aliens" there were many people saying that Osama Bin Laden was dead. Through the complex network of communication that is now at my fingertips, I was able to find the truth within minutes. It took another 15 minutes for Chuck Todd to come on NBC to talk about Osama Bin Laden and verify the rumors on the Internet. But as I sat and watched the T.V., I also read news websites and watched Facebook for a multitude of news facts and opinions. Is that communication at its best, or are we overwhelmed with too many inputs? I tend to feel a sense of comfort by having so many sources of information at my fingertips. So for now, I'm satisfied with the new means of communication.

It's definitely a different world out there today. As I turn 40 in a couple weeks I realize that I might start to shun these types of changes in a few years.  It really takes a lot of energy to keep up with things now given how fast information flies by us.  I hope that no matter what the Internet and Facebook evolve into, that there will never be a substitute for approaching someone face to face to have a good old conversation.

My Adventure into Blogdom

Last week I went to the Simmons Women's Leadership Conference in Boston, MA. It is a one day conference for women and it has been held for at least a couple decades now. This was my first time attending. In one of the breakout sessions I attended, a woman spoke up in the audience to talk about how social media has had an impact on her life. She said she'd started her own blog because it was cathartic for her to write down things that were going on in her life. Recently when she had a really bad week she wrote that she was having a hard time and could not write in detail. She had an influx of e-mails from followers asking her if everything was all right and wondering if they could help in some way. She mentioned that she was shocked not just at the outpouring of love but at the fact that she thought her only followers were her closest friends and family! She realized then that some of what she had written had actually been helpful to others. That got me thinking about starting my own blog.

So here I am. I am not sure why I haven't started this before. I love to write and I love to read. I also have a passion for helping other women in the world find their path to happiness. Often that involves women in business, but I'm not picky about how I can help others! I mentor at least 5 women with which I work. I have been in management for 10 years now and I see very few women in management positions at my company. I am hoping to help other women find the confidence and training they need to make it into management.

My identity is multi-faceted. I still think of myself as a mom before anything else because I believe that's the most important job in the world. I love my children so much and can't imagine life without them. So from day to day I am facing an internal struggle over whether to spend more time on "work" or more time with "family". So I believe a lot of what I will write in my blog will be about work life balance. I certainly haven't mastered it, but I have learned a lot of good tips along the way on how to have the best of both worlds.

So welcome to my first blog posting. I admit that I don't follow many blogs, so I am not sure how conventional my blog will be. I think I will be writing as a way of expressing myself and it won't matter to me if no one else reads it. But also I will be writing in hopes to help someone else out there that is a mom, a business woman, or both. Maybe through my experiences, you, dear reader, will find a tidbit of knowledge that you can put to use in your life. I hope so anyway.

So my first tip that I'd like to impart is about the business world. What I have found after 17 years in business is that networking is so incredibly important and linked to your success. I learned in a leadership development program once that it's "not who you know, but who knows you know". I like that. It reminds me that the more people I meet, the more I show people what I'm made of, the better chance at success I have. The last several jobs I've had within my company came about from someone calling me, rather than me applying for the position. That's because they knew who I was and knew what I was made of. If you are like me, networking events can be viewed as scary and overwhelming challenges to tackle. I don't like putting myself out there where I have to meet a lot of new people. But I make myself do it, because it's those connections that I make that I end up utilizing at some point in the future. So next time you get invited to a networking event, give it a try.